It’s been a while since we did a Newkid feature, so as punishment, MonkHammer was recently dragged out of his comfort-zone, and into the twilight zone, for a trip into the hallucinogenic world of Bob Log III…… Be afraid, be very afraid
What sort of music do you normally listen to?
Really? You’re literally reading an entire website dedicated to that answer RIGHT NOW! But if you’re that forgetful, or lazy, then I guess MonkHammer’s biggest wins in the live arena would be sludge, thrash and punk ‘n roll.
If it was your choice, who would we be seeing tonight?
Well, this morning, when a friend asked the patronising, sardonic, eye-rolling question that inspired this entire feature – “go on then, which ridiculous, shouty band are you seeing tonight?” – he received this patronising, sardonic, eye-rolling response: a Norwegian chemical weapon-themed zombie death-grind band called Putrefaction Assimilation Patrol.
He believed me, so I’m kind of up for that, now.
What do you know about Bob Log III already?
I know he wears a helmet; I know it has a telephone receiver welded into it as a microphone; I know he plays guitar; and I know that at some point in the show, he will almost certainly crowd surf in an inflatable dinghy. As for the music, bluesy folk or folksy blues at a guess. No idea as you guys won’t tell me, which worries me considering how much you know I hate sappy one-man singer-songwriter “poor me” pity-wank troubadicks like Ed fucking Sheeran.
What are your hopes for the evening?
That he’s better than Ed fucking Sheeran.
What are your fears?
That it’s actually Ed fucking Sheeran(!), using the anonymity of Bob Log III as an outlet for his experimental progressive hip-hop.
[After an impressive set from One Man Destruction Show – a Miles Kane-looking one-man band who plays guitar and snare drum simultaneously with the same hand – Bob Log III emerges from the wings to rapturous applause. He is dressed in an all-in-one, gold, velour tracksuit. His sparkly gold fighter-pilot helmet does indeed have a telephone receiver welded to the front as a microphone. There is crowd surfing in a dinghy. There is balloon popping. There is an open invitation to sit on his knees while he plays. There are demands upon the crowd to drink cheap champagne from a dog bowl, and demands upon the crowd to drink cheap champagne from an inflatable duck. And there is 60 minutes of hyperactive, twisted delta blues about stirring whisky with your tits, how great Bob Log III is , and god knows what else]
So what are your thoughts on the show?
I can’t even focus my thoughts right now. I feel like someone has poured miniature kittens into my ears and they’re using my brain as a scratching post. That was like watching a hillbilly Daft Punk playing bluegrass versions of Ten Benson songs in the style of Primus. It sounded like Souljacker-era Eels having a complete mental breakdown.
I loved it!
Would you see him again?
Absolutely, no question, every single time.
There are a handful of bands, or performances, I’ve seen over the years that I would argue anyone with a passion for live music could enjoy regardless of taste – Slipknot on the Subliminal Verses cycle; Motley Crue on their farewell tour; Rodrigo y Gabriela at Royal Albert Hall – and this is definitely up there. It’s simply impossible to imagine anyone leaving that show without a grin the size of an 18-wheeler across their face. I have no desire whatsoever to buy an album, but I’m following that mad fucker on the socials and will be dragging anyone and everyone I know next time he’s in town.
CONCLUSION: Safe to say, a complete success. You may consider MonkHammer a life-long Bob Logger.